Serendipity

[blue_lotus13]

Writing on my web site used to be something I did without thought; if I had an idea, a bit of information, something to share, I'd simply write about it without reservation. It was easy in the beginning because there wasn't any expectations - I hadn't set any.

However over two and a half years, there's come to be expectations from me and those who read and those expectations taught me that it's harder to maintain something than to begin it.

Maintaining involves withholding truth - or so I thought. I thought if I wrote about some of the messiness I've encountered, the disappointing sides of the business I've discovered, the shift in the dream, that I would somehow offend, turn off, or lose an "audience" or potential employers.

It was easier to be truthful when I had nothing to lose but with so many readers and business partners actively pursuing my site, silence seemed like the best option despite the fact I was bursting to tell you all that I was learning.

This conflict has been hanging very heavy in me and I realised why; I'm not about maintaining. Maintaining is staying the same, afraid of going backward. I want to keep changing and moving forward. And while one door might close if I do something, fifteen others might open. It's that belief that got me to write in the first place. It's that belief that's getting me write again.

I share this with you because I've seen a lot of creative people become fearful of losing something they've worked so hard for. They get used to the attention, fame, money, hits, way of life, expectations etc. And they don't' want to jeopordise that so they start to lose their authenticity and start fitting molds instead. I think you understand this because you've most likely seen it in lots of different artists.

While I didn't write things just for money, or change the way I wrote to gain notoriety, I did keep quiet which was my way of chickening out.

I understand now it's a balance between being authentic and being public but I hope to continue on being authentic because I like it. I like how I do things even if my simplicity and realness isn't "hip" and I could do a better job financially and famewise if I just gave in to glitter, catch phrases and self-help stories. But that's not important to me, it never has been.

Writing what I know, and not being afraid, is.

Thank you.

Comments

completely unrelated to your post, but..

[closethipster.livejournal.com]

i found your journal yesterday and i just couldn't stop reading it. hope you don't mind but i've befriended you. i didn't want to lurk without saying hello. -Step

[blue-lotus.livejournal.com]

I'm extremely flattered. Thank you :)

How did you find my journal by the way?

[blue-lotus.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see you're a friend of beezus. How cool!